Warning, if you come out in your PJ's be on the lookout for anyone dressed as Bill Clinton. Also, be on the lookout for anyone with a Richard Nixon mask, they may be cheating.

1.02 The strike zone is a three-dimensional irregular pentagon based on the shape of home plate and is one (1) foot in height. The front of the zone aligns with the front of home plate. The sides of the zone extend one (1) foot to either side of the plate. The back edges of the zone are one (1) foot from the back sides of the plate (see Diagram 4). The strike zone may not be marked by cones or other raised objects.
11.02 A strike is: a. a pitch that is not kicked and is not called a ball per Rule 12.02, that enters any part of the strike zone (see Rule 1.02);

10.08 Running past another runner is not allowed. The passing runner is out (see Rule 14.02j).
14.02 An out is: ...
h. a runner physically assisted by a team member during play (see Rule 6.02);
...
j. a runner that passes another runner (see Rule 10.08);
10.07 Base Running on Overthrows;
a. an overthrow is a ball thrown, kicked, or deflected into foul territory while making a defensive play toward a player or base;
b. a runner may advance only one base beyond the base the runner is on or running toward when the ball travels into foul territory;
c. one base on an overthrow is a restriction on the runner – not an automatic right for the runner to advance;
d. if any fielder attempts to make an out prior to returning the ball to the pitcher, runners may commence base running.
Our first game on field 1 had Baller I Hardly Know Her locking horns with the Seminoles. Locking Horns is a rather arbitrary term as this one was really no contest. I asked the purple people eaters to comment on their loss after the game and their reply was, "We Sucked!". Josh said, "I didn't have anything bad to say, they beat us handily". Things are looking up for the Seminoles. They were able to crush an opponent with the opponent not having anything bad to say. That's what I call progress. Seminoles put a shellacking the purple team, 11-0.
Field 2 had Asstastic Balls taking on Multiple Scorgasm. Highly billed games rarely live up to the hype and this game between two of the best teams in the division seemed to live up to that pattern. Asstastic Balls must have forgotten that there was even a game this week because they were scrambling to get enough players there by the start of the game. I was told by one member of the pink team that this was due to complications with INS. Usually, Asstastic Balls has one good inning in the first and that was no different here as the Beast had a huge 2 run home run in the early frame. The scoring didn't stop there though as Asstastic Balls were able to put up lots of crooked numbers on the board. The Beast led the way the whole time on offense and defense. He made a great mutant like jump over a throw at home plate to score and at one point "don't kick it to the beast" was overheard on the Multiple Scorgasm sideline. Asstastic Balls won 9-4.
Balls and Dolls and Quit Yer Pitchin took to field 3 at 7pm for one of the best matchups this week. Gordon from Balls and Dolls got things rocking early when he kicked a 3 run home run but Jess wasn't paying much attention because she had stopped at second base and almost got run over before Gordon was able to yell at her enough that she started running. Good thing he didn't have to touch her to get her going but more on that later. Balls and Dolls took a 1 run lead into the bottom of the 5th until Adam from Quit Yer Pitchin (and apparently the Village People) scored the tying run. The 6th inning was filled with action. With runners on 1st and second and 2 outs, little devil Dorothy made a valiant diving effort to get to first safely but QYP's defense held strong. In the bottom half of the inning Courtney made her signature trip over first base and tumble move but to no avail. This one was finished at 7:48 so they had time for an extra inning but no excitement happened there. Tie 4-4.
Last but certainly not least was Masterbatters vs We've Got The Runs. I'm told there wasn't a lot of excitement in this game. We've Got The Runs once again had no runs. There was a green fairy in right field, making people hallucinate and a pink fairy prevented anyone from having breast cancer on the field. MacGruber was also on hand to make sure that no one exploded until the very end. I don't know what any of that really has to do with anything. Masterbatters won 2-0.
So there is this one team that everyone loves to hate. They've been around for a long time and they have won a lot. They are certainly one of the more competitive teams in the division which may fuel the hatred directed towards them but I tend to see a lot of the anger comes from some of the girls in the division directed towards the "skinny bitches" on the gold team. Trying to keep drama aside, I decided that this week the Seminoles deserved a little lovin'.
One impressive tidbit about the Seminole ladies is that they are actually quite involved in charity. Quite a few of them are members of the Junior League and spend a lot of time, effort and money to help other people. Leslie, who is single and looking, likes to donate time each month to read to less fortunate children. Her love for children doesn't just stop there. She also works to connect children in foster care with permanent homes and was even able to help her sister give a permanent home to a child. I an also told that Lindsay, who is also single*, is probably the most involved person you can ever meet and she is constantly donating her time to the Junior League. 2.01 While participating in WAKA kickball, players must properly wear and fully display the official WAKA athletic
clothing designated for their use. Teams with players who fail to abide by this rule forfeit that game.
So that means, if you have received your t-shirt, you have to wear it to play. But guess what, it doesn't have to exactly be the one you got at the beginning of the season. Don't feel like doing laundry? You are in luck, you can purchase additional t-shirts online in the WAKA store on www.kickball.com.
Field 1, Game 1. This field and time slot for whatever reason has become 99 Problems home field and they took it once again in their matchup against Multiple Scorgasm. Both of these teams have championship potential and we may very well see a rematch in the playoffs. Multiple Scorgasm had the opening salvo with a run in the top of the first, countered by 2 runs by 99 Problems in the bottom half. The team in orange seemed to have 99 problems on defense in the top half of the second as they gave up a 5 spot. 99 Problems battled back hard thanks in part to some aggressive baserunning by Kacie aka Yellow Shoe but Ashley showed off her stunning defensive skills. Any ball up the middle was quickly gobbled up by Ashley, throwing a big "boo ya bitches" exclamation point 99 Problems way. The same defensive prowess could not be said of MS left fielder Kyle. In the bottom of the 6th "Miss Nevada" had 2 balls right in her face but spit them right to the ground. The come back just wasn't enough to overcome earlier defeceit. Multiple Scorgasm won 6-5.
Kickball continued to be played in different forms throughout Europe and was easily the most popular past time activity of ancient people. Though many debate on the true reasons for the existence of Stone Henge, it has recently been proven that it was in fact the world's first kickball stadium. The Druids did not need a whole lot of room for the playing field because at the time the kickball itself was made of stone so bunting was quite prevalent.
In the 13th century, the Templar Knights were busy excavating the Temple Mount when they discovered a scroll with an explanation of the kickball rules. Kickball quickly became a favorite game of the knights. Because of the church's official position on the game at the time, the knights were labeled as heretics, eventually leading Pope Clement to issue the order to arrest all Templar Knights on Friday October 13, 1307 for their offenses of immorality. Many knights were tortured and killed for their love of kickball but some escaped and headed north to Scandinavia where they taught the game to the Vikings.
The Vikings were originally quite friendly and great ambassadors for the game. They loved introducing kickball to new people in the lands they discovered. Unfortunately, the Vikings soon got frustrated by the other teams' excessive bunting. Enraged by the difficulty in defending against the strategy, the Vikings would soon conquer any land who's kickball team dared allow a man to bunt. During this time it was not uncommon for the severed head of a bunter from a previous game to be used as the ball.
It was on a Viking expedition to North America that kickball was first introduced to the Native Americans. The Native American game took a slightly different form and much like their other favorite sport of the time, lacrosse, there was no limit to the number of players on the field at one time. As a result, the games were quite wild and fatalities were a common occurrence.
When Squanto introduced corn and kickball to the pilgrims, the new settlers were very excited to play the sport but due to their dwindling numbers from disease and starvation, they were concerned about the possibility of more fatalities from kickball. It was decided right there in Plymouth, in November 1621 that the game would again be limited to 11 players on the field at a time, greatly reducing the risk of death. It is believed that the great feast that followed the game was the inspiration to have a social gathering somewhere after the games, eventually leading to sponsor bars.
Kickball continued to find popularity among the colonists. Sam Adams, famed statesman, brewer and rabble-rouser, was the first to connect flip cup to the game of kickball, though at the time it was a much more difficult game as the cups were often made of pewter. On Mar 4, 1770 a group of Colonials, led by Crispus Attucks defeated a group of British soldiers, captained by Thomas Preston, in a tight kickball game. The next day the troops, who were still upset about the loss, fired upon the team and Crispus Attucks and some of his teammates were killed in the Boston Massacre and the seeds of the revolution were sewn.
On April 12, 1861 a game took place between the A-Ball-itionists and the ReBalls at Fort Sumter, South Carolina. There was a disputed call when one of the refs called a player out and players started arguing. Hostilities broke out and after years of fighting and more than 200,000 dead the kickball rules would forever change so that from then on, only captains could argue calls with a ref.
Kickball continued to rise in popularity but the energy crisis of 1979 caused the game to lose popularity among adults. The shortage of gasoline kept many adults from wanting to drive any more than they had to, making it difficult to get enough people to a field after work for a game. As the game's popularity declined among adult players, it found a rebirth in American schoolyards in the 1980's and 90's.
Over the weekend WAKA hosted its annual Founders Cup in Las Vegas to crown the worlds best kickball team. Panik Attack from the VA Recess division in Norfolk, VA defeated The Other Shot Callers from the DC Capital Division in Washington, DC. The final game was an intense one with both teams tied at 2 after regulation. In tournaments we go into "Kansas City Rules". What that means is that you can only take the field with 4 guys and 4 girls in the field and a baserunner starts the inning on second base. You can check out the division tournament guidelines for a full description but be warned that its not actually called Kansas City rules in the guidelines. 6.02 Base coaches may not physically assist runners while the ball is in playand 14.02h
14.02 An out is: h. a runner physically assisted by a team member during play.

1.06 - Optional Extra Base – The option of using this field setup must be made by the division board of directors
each season via formal vote and approval at a scheduled meeting prior to the third week of games played. Once
use is approved, this extra base must be used for all games of that division season and division tournament
games. If the extra base is used:
a. The Extra Base is only available for runners traveling from home plate (see Rule 10.06);
b. Fielders trying to make an out on first base must touch the base in fair territory (the First Base). Runners
hindered by a fielder touching the base in foul territory (the Extra Base), will be safe;
c. When a play is attempted at first base, a runner who touches the First Base prior to being called safe at the
Extra Base shall be called out, except under the exception in Rules 1.06f and 1.06g;
d. Once a runner has reached first base safely the runner must start the next play on the First Base. Any runner
standing on or touching the Extra Base at the beginning of the next play will be out;
e. No additional base may be used at any other base;
f. The runner is permitted to use the First Base if avoiding collision with a fielder in foul territory. In this event, the
fielder in foul territory is permitted to tag the Extra Base (see Rule 14.02o);
g. The runner may use First Base if attempting to advance to Second Base, or if there is no fielder on First Base.
A runner (see Rule 1.06a) using or touching First Base in any other circumstance is out.
10.02 Obstruction. Fielders must stay out of the baseline. Fielders trying to make an out on base may have their
foot on base, but must lean out of the baseline. Runners hindered by any fielder within the baseline, not making
an active play for the ball, shall be safe at the base to which they were running. Runners may choose to advance
beyond this base while the ball is still in play.

"According to my syllabus we should be well into wrestling by now. But because of your lack of focus we've yet to get past the fundamentals of kickball. Kreamer, first rule of Bunting.
Um, do--don't--
There is no Bunting in kickball, Kreamer. Set of ten. Henderson, is there a reason why your shoe is untied?
- Um--
- You see on the kickball field, a screw-up like that can put you in a wheelchair. You'll end up writing your name with a pencil taped to your head the rest of your life. Set of ten. Until you learn the basics of any sport you cannot participate in it let alone excel in it."





At 7pm 99 Problems but a Pitch Ain't One took the field against Quit Yer Pitchin. This could maybe possibly be considered a rivalry game since whenever Quit Yer Pitchin plays whichever team Ty is on that season usually tends to be a good game but there isn't much continuity there. The big question for the night was whether Heide was going to be able to stay in her Pirate Wench costume. Heide suddenly realized during warmups that she may not have the support she needed to keep her boys in place. Luckily for her, they did. Perhaps unluckily for the rest of us. 99 Problems didn't have much problem scoring although they thought they should have had more. They thought they had identified a weakness in left field but were sorely mistaken as every ball kicked out there was easily hauled in. Down by 7 Runs in the last inning, QYP tried its best to mount a rally and Adam had a great play where he tagged up and scored from second base but it just wasn't enough. 99 Problems won 7-1.
Game 2 had Asstastic Balls vs We've Got The Runs. Despite the bright t-shirt colors which may be remeniscent of a Hawaiian shirt seen on Hawaii Five-0, I'm told this was actually a boring game. We've Got the Runs again had difficulty getting any. It was partially because of the outstanding defensive play of the beautiful Asstastic Balls girls. Keara made 3 catches of her own but the most impressive play came at the thighs of Angela. The ball was kicked to her and she bobbled it off of her fingertips to Kelly, who bobbled it off of her fingertips back to Angela who had ended up on the ground and she caught the ball between her legs in the fetal position. With all of the bobbling, Keara described the play as "a little bit of a handjob". Asstastic Balls won 3-0
The hot ticket game of the week had to be the showdown on field 3 between the Seminoles and Multiple Scorgasm. The Seminoles put up a quick 2 runs in the first inning but the Multiple Scorgasm defense was able to clamp down from there and eventually score 2 of their own. This game required an extra frame to settle and still ended up in a tie. The Seminoles did not look pleased as they walked off the field and there were no Seminole sightings at MacDinton's. The Seminoles' motto is win or go home so I guess they went home. What was the key to Multiple Scorgasms tough play? They claim is was Snuggie man who attending this game in his Zebra striped snuggie. He has been seen many times at the field in several different snuggies. Who knows how many he has or if it really helped but either way: Tie game 2-2.
Back to field 1, our late game had Baller I Hardly Know Her take on Balls and Dolls. This was a close contest. I jokingly said to Balls and Dolls team Captain, Jess that it looked like she had something on her ass (remember week 2?) and she replied, "If I do, I'm waiting until I get home to rub it off." That's what she said! Defense was mostly pretty solid in this one. I say mostly because there was one possible exception. The lovely Randi on Baller I Hardly Know Her had a pop fly kicked to her and had a rather unusual way of calling for the ball. "SHIIIIIIIT!". She clearly displayed great confidence in the field. With scoring coming at a premium in this game Angela showed some great baserunning aggression and was able to score from first base to bring home the game winning run. I asked Jessica how she felt about her team's loss this week. She claimed that she was proud of her team and that the little Asian had redeemed himself. She was clearly lying as I saw said little Asian make a couple of really bad plays so she's probably lying about being proud of her team too. Baller I Hardly Know Her player, Rabi Joel, had some interesting things to say about his triumphant return to kickball this season after a 2 season hiatus. He says that he returned to kickball because he found Yuengling in a can, making it possible to drink his favorite beer on the fields without bringing glass bottles which are definitely not allowed. Baller I Hardly Know her won 2-1.
I had asked this beautiful young lady to the right, Jessica, if I could take a picture of her in her Pirate Hooker costume for the blog. Her reply was that I could but only if that meant that guys would masturbate to it. So... well... guys... have at it I guess. Make sure to tell Jessica what you did while looking at her photo next week at kickball. I'm sure that won't be awkward at all. She told me that she has been playing for 2 seasons and has never made it to first base. The next time she was up she got to first base safely, though it was short lived as her teammate was later thrown out at home plate on the play, trying to sneak in an extra base. Jessica immediately ran to her phone to text all of her friends that she had made it to first base safely. In the bottom of the 6th inning Booze on First had a 1 run lead but Masterbatters were able to get some runners on. On the last play of the game the Masterbatters scored 2 runs to clinch it. Justin scored the winning run of the game and immediately started mauling his teammates in an extremely enthusiastic celebratory display that possibly could have put the lives of his teammates in jeopardy. The team chant at the end of the game summed it all up, "Masterbatters come from behind!". Masterbatters won 2-1.