Week 4 predictions

So now that we've got a few weeks in the books we can start to get an idea of who the teams are, what they are good at, what they aren't good at yadda yadda. I now have enough info to start making weekly predictions. Not that I really base my predictions on any sort of facts as much as just pulling stuff out of my ass. So here are my guaranteed predictions for week 4.

Ball Kickers vs Suck My Kick on field A
This season, Suck My Kick is the epitome of average. If you have ever seen the movie Idiocracy, you would know that the main character, Joe, is selected for a military project because he is perfectly average. Suck My Kick is the Breaker Division's Joe. They are about average in overall standings, runs for and runs against. Awesome! Meanwhile Ball Kickers have had a rough go at it so far and haven't scored a run yet this season. Expect this to be an average game overall. Suck My Kick will go into the 5th inning with a 3 run lead (about average). Ball Kickers will somehow get the bases loaded and will devise a brilliant strategy. With their best kicker at the plate, the rest of the pink team will flash Suck My Kick just as he kicks the ball. This will distract the Suckers and result in a grand slam to win the game. Prediction: Ball Kickers 4-3

Don't Touch Our Balls vs Quit Yer Pitchin on field B
Both teams are currently undefeated, though Don't Touch Our Balls does have one tie. This game will pit 2 of the best offenses in the division together. Don't Touch Our Balls also has the second best defense in the division. The deciding factor in this game may be Quit Yer Pitchin's desire to win at any costs. Don't Touch Our Balls will score a run in the first inning. Facing a 1 run deficit in the 4th inning, Courtney from Quit Yer Pitchin will bunt. Running like hell with her bobblehead sprinting style and kick the shins of each Don't Touch Our Balls defensive players as she rounds the bases for a bunt home run. Predicion: tie 1-1

Seminoles vs The Balled and The Beautiful on field C
The Seminoles have been looking forward to this matchup for a while. Why? Because it's garnet vs gold. The Seminoles will probably treat this like a spring intersquad game so scoring should be pretty high by kickball standards. Prediction: Gold defeats Garnet 39-27

Vicious and Delicious vs New Kicks on the Block on field D
This game is the epic showdown of the week. Mike will chop off Jimmy's hand then tell him that he's his father. Jimmy will get a robotic hand and we will all forget that he ever had it chopped off except that he will wear a black glove. Jimmy will find out that he's been lusting after his sister and team up with Mike to kill some old wrinkly dude. Then a bunch of teddy bears will defeat Mike's technologically advanced empire. Prediction: Vicious and Delicious 2-1

Tech USA - Where My Pitches At vs Kick in a Box on Field A
With just 3 games played so far on the season, Tech USA has found a way to somehow be a .500 team. They've got solid defense but have yet to catch fire on offense. Meanwhile, Kick in a Box, who is loving their purple t-shirts by the way, are coming off a tough battle last week that they probably should have lost. The only reason they won was because they cheated. Ok so maybe they didn't cheat and maybe I'm just bitter that they beat my team last week. Just for that, they deserve to get beat this week. Prediction: Tech USA wins 4-1.

Your Mom Makes a Dry Roast vs Anything But Blue Balls on field B
If there is anything that these two teams like, it's long team names. It would be great if these two team names were the Jets and the Rays or something simple like that but noooooooo. These teams have to be special and make paragraphs for team names. Seriously guys? Just for that, I'm going to make this prediction as short and boring as possible. Prediction: tie 0-0

Bull Gators vs We've Got The Runs on field C
While The Seminoles and the Balled and the Beautiful have their Garnet and Gold game, these two teams will have an Orange and Blue game. Ironically enough its even on the same field. Expect to see tailgating, some guy yelling something about archaic currency, an impressive amount of superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with Tim Tebow. Prediction: Orange beats Blue 31-21

I Already Hit That vs Raging Balls on field D
Neither of these teams have won yet. On the plus side for I Already Hit That is that they at least tied a game. On the downside for them, they have only scored one run this season. Meanwhile Raging Balls brought in a ringer last week who is determined to teach the team how to play kickball, and how to add. Raging Balls will be disappointed at the end of the game, thinking that they lost 3-1, only to later check their poor math skills and realize it is only the 4th inning and they are up 3-2. Their discovery will excite them enough to score another run. Prediction: Raging Balls 4-2

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Which is likely to be the most accurate prediction for week 4?