Breaker Week 2 Recap

Week 2 is now in the books for the Breaker league and we are starting to see who has it and who doesn't. I could sit here all day and bore you with an incredibly mind blowing analysis and introduction to this weeks games but, frankly, I just don't feel like it. So lets talk about what actually happened.

Even Seminole Babies
take kickball seriously

Our first game of the night had the Seminoles take the field against Where My Pitches At. I said it before and I will say it again Where My Pitches At's start to their kickball career is nothing less than unfair. This team should be burning Erik in effigee for scheduling their first 3 games against 99 Problems, Seminoles and Barbara Ballters. Last week they lost 11-0, this week 14-0 and next week they don't look to do much better. At the bar last night a couple of players said that it was a ton of fun, which is awesome, but they also told me that their defense looks good. I sadly had to remind them that giving up 25 runs in just 2 games probably isn't the sign of a good defense. The Seminoles were taking great pride in the fact that they beat this team by more than 99 Problems did last week. Here is the problem with that, last week 99 Problems was the home team so they only kicked 5 times since they didn't need their last time around at the plate. The Seminoles specifically wanted to be the away team so that they could pile it on in the last inning because that's just what they do. They scored 3 runs in the last inning of this game so all things being equal, both 99 and Seminoles scored 11 runs in 5 innings. What does this matter? It doesn't at all because runs for do not count in any tie breaker for the standings. Also there is a cap to run differential in any game so even though this one ended 14-0, it will be recorded as 12-0.

Our second game of the night was a bit of a doozie as Free Ballers and Bonafide Guttersnipes matched up. Judging by all of the preseason hype, this should have been an easy one to call but it was much closer than they drew it up on paper. Free Ballers were able to get the first run on the board and their defense was holding strong thanks to some timely pop ups by the Guttersnipes. That was until the top of the 6th inning where I am told there was a rousing team speech that went something like this, “Are you kidding me? We are the fucking Guttersnipes. We've talked way too much shit to lose to this team. We've written checks our bodies can't cash. We need to do something now, its go time”, and go they did by throwing up a 6 spot in the top half of the last frame. Guttersnipes won 6-1.

Actual photo of Beast ready
to make a catch

Our late games started off with Asstastic Balls and Cleats & Cleavage. The first run of the game may have been the most exciting as Asstastic's Tracy slid into third to avoid a throw. The throw went wide and she was able to score on the overthrown ball. Beast was all over the field in this one, making play after play, pushing teammates out of the way to make defensive plays while grunting, “No beast ball, me catch”. It may seem unnecessarry but someone had to do something as Cheddi is also on the team who misplayed a deep fly to centerfield. I interviewed Cheddi at the bar and he had this to say about the game, “I really tried my best man, I really gave it everything I had but despite my best efforts, I couldn't make our team lose, our team was just too good today and with Beast out there, losing was a losing battle”. Asstastic Balls won 4-2.

There must have been something about field 2 last night because the game between Barbara Ballters and We've Got The Runs was just as entertaining as the early game on the same field. This game was a gem with the teams tied at 2 going into the 6th inning. That's when the real action stared. With 2 outs in the top half of the last inning We've Got the Runs was threatening and got a girl to 3rd on a close play. On the play, however, JR from Barbara Ballters channeled his inner possum and fell to the ground playing dead. The girl backed up off of the base to give him room and JR got up and tagged her out. It was a dick move but it was definitely effective. After the game he had this to say about it, "People may call me a dick but all I do is win no matter what bitches." In the bottom half of the inning Barbara Ballters was able to get bases loaded before sending a blast to the outfield that probably would have scored 3 but they only needed 1 to walk off. Barbara Ballters won 3-2.


Our final matchup of the night was 99 Problems vs Booze on First. This was a highly anticipated matchup but not because of the kickball game. Cory from Booze and Justin from 99 are the two best chuggers in the league by far and anytime they face off its epic. This chug was no different as both chuggers downed their beer in a single swallow but Cory turned his cup over just slightly faster. In the game itself 99 was able to take a shut out into the 6th inning before Booze on First was able to mount a little bit of a rally. The shutout was broken up when 99 Problems outfielders Matt and Tricia decided that sharing was caring and connected in a loving embrace in the outfield, kickball between them, allowing the Booze on First runner to score. Despite an incredible amount of talk from a guy with a sweaty elbow problem, Booze on First just didn't have enough to overcome their deficit. 99 Problems won 5-1.

Top 10 Kickball Pickup Lines

10. I already scored one home run today, want to help me score another?
9. I'd rather be playing with those "cups".
8. Wanna round my bases tonight?
7. I wouldn't stop at 3rd base if I could run home with you.
6. Your pop fly makes my fly pop.
5. I'd like to flip you over the table.
4. I didn't believe there were Angels in the outfield until I saw you play.
3. Were your parents kickball pitchers? Because you have some nice mounds.
2. Nice cleats, wanna f*ck?
1. Want to sign a waiver?

Bayshore Midseason Report

This blog has historically been for the Tuesday night Breaker league but the Bayshore league deserves a little bit of love too. Considering that Bayshore is now at the midway point in the season, its the perfect time to do a midseason report card for them.. You can take the grades one of 3 ways. They are completely accurate, they are graded on a curve according to expectations or they are completely made up and have no basis in reality what so ever. I prefer to think its option 3. So here is how we rank each of the teams in the Bayshore league in no particular order (actually we will list them in alphabetical order but you probably already noticed that).

* denotes rookie team

Ballistic Logistic* - B-
Usually its unfair when a new team plays a veteran team in the first week of the season as the new team usually gets killed but Ballistic Logistic started this season against a flat YBMF and looked like a strong team. They have had a hard time getting back to their winning ways since then but should hold their own. Don't be surprised if this team is in the middle of the pack by the end of the season.
Record: 1-3
Games so far: Your Balls My Foot (6-2 win), Gator Done (3-4 loss), Pick Me Up (0-11 loss), Red Balls and Lick Her (3-6 loss)

Ballsagna - A+
It is a little tough to really figure out how this team is. Pick Me Up is a strong team so they were expected to lose that game in week 1. Their win against Balls N Dolls was actually by forfeit but their loss to YBMF was a big negative as YBMF had only 8 players that day. So why do they get an A+? Have you seen them? All of their players always show up all of the time, they always have fun at the bar and their girls are beautiful. How does that not score an A+?
Record: 2-2
Games so far: Pick Me Up (4-9 loss), Balls N Dolls (5-0 win), Your Balls My Foot (1-2 loss), Thunderstruck (10-2 win)

Balls N Dolls - C
Balls N Dolls is one of our more veteran teams and were one time league champions. They are pretty stacked with atheletes and could be the most dominant team in the league. I say could because their achilles heal is just trying to get people to the field. Their one loss this season was due to forfeit and they almost forfeited in week 4 until the whole team showed up about 2 minutes after the game was scheduled to start. If you have these guys remaining on your schedule, hope they forfeit, it may be your best shot.
Record: 3-1
Games so far: Red Balls and Lick Her (12-0 win), Ballsagna (0-5 loss), I Need a Refill (3-2 win), Pick Me Up (3-0 win)

Camel Toes - A
In case you haven't noticed, Camel Toes is special. We couldn't blame you if you wondered if the team worked in a costume shop because they love themes. There are usually 2 things that the Camel Toes are consistent with, they are a lot of fun and they don't win a lot of games. At least one of those doesn't seem to be true anymore as they were undefeated in their first 3 games. The best way to prepare for your game against these guys is to ask for gift certificates to Party City.
Record: 3-1
Games so far: Thunderstruck (5-3 win), Team Awesome Ball Kickers (5-0 win), Looking to Score (13-1 win), Off Constantly (0-4 loss)

Debauchery - B+
This team came in 3rd place in the Spring and on paper should have improved but so have some other teams so it may be tough for them to return to that level this season. They have to get some credit as their 2 losses were against 2 of the top teams in the league.
Record: 2-2
Games so far: Off Constantly (3-7 loss), Red Balls and Lick Her (2-1 win), Team Awesome Ball Kickers (6-0 win), I Need a Refill (0-7 loss)

Gator Done* - B-
Gator Done may have the most favorable schedule of any team. They only play 2 of the top tier teams (Balls N Dolls and Pick Me Up) which they have still yet to play. Even so, it may be tough for this group of rookies to do more than break even on the season.
Record: 2-2
Games so far: Team Awesome Ball Kickers (0-1 loss), Ballistic Logistics (4-3 win), Red Balls and Lick Her (10-2 win), Your Balls My Foot (0-8 loss)

I Need a Refill - A
This team just does not give up runs. They made it to the championship game in the Summer season but lost to 99 Problems (now playing in the Tuesday night Breaker league) in an extremely close game. The second half of their schedule is much easier than what they have played so far. It would probably be a shock if this team isn't in the finals of the playoffs.
Record: 3-1
Games so far: Looking to Score (12-0 win), Off Constantly (2-0 win), Balls N Dolls (2-3 loss), Debauchery (7-0 win)

Looking to Score* - D
What is there to say? We love this team and we hope they stick around but this season has not been easy on them. Their biggest problem may be the team name. We have had other teams by the same name before and usually they jokingly changed it during the season to things like "Still looking to Score", "Not Scoring Yet" or "When am I Ever Going to Score". Hopefully for them the week 4 offensive explosion will be the catalyst they need to consistently throw some runs on the board but they shouldn't feel too down if that doesn't happen in week 5 against the OC.
Record: 0-4
Games so far: I Need a Refill (0-12 loss), Thunderstruck (0-6 loss), Camel Toes (1-13 loss), Team Awesome Ball Kickers (6-10 loss)

Off Constantly - A
We are glad to have this team back after taking a season off to play team handball or whatever it was that they decided to do. This was my team for the longest time and we never won anything. I left the team and they became a dominant force overnight. I'm not quite sure how that should make me feel. Defense is this team's strong suit but they also score in big bunches. They were one of the teams that played over the summer in the Big Guava league and averaged giving up only a run per game. They are looking even better this season but their biggest tests will be in the last 2 weeks of the season against Pick Me Up and Balls N Dolls.
Record: 3-1
Games so far: Debauchery (7-0 win), I Need a Refill (0-2 loss), Thunderstruck (13-1 win), Camel Toes (4-0 win)

Pick Me Up - B+
This is the the most veteran team in the Bayshore league and are also a one time league champ. They have players who started their WAKA careers as early as 2004 or 2005. They have a good balance of being a laid back bunch and also being a tough team to beat.
Record: 3-1
Games so far: Ballsagna (9-4 win), Your Balls My Foot (7-3 win), Ballistic Logistic (11-0 win), Balls N Dolls (0-3 loss)

Red Balls and Lick Her* - C+
This brand new team had the toughest draw of week one. Their baptism by fire in week one was a drumming by Balls N Dolls. The score officially showed up as 12-0 but it was really something like 25-0. Luckily for them they have a couple of all star veterans who have played for other teams in the past and they have improved quite a bit since that first week. They will have their big test of the season against Pick Me Up in week 5. They have the potential to put themselves into a position to be the most improved team in the second half.
Record: 1-3
Games so far: Balls N Dolls (0-12 loss), Debauchery (1-2 loss), Gator Done (2-10 loss), Ballistic Logistic (6-3 win)

Team Awesome Ball Kickers* - B
If only a team could be as their name implies. Rumor has it that for the first 3 weeks of the season they had forgotten their team name and just simply knew themselves as the gray team and the offense suffered. That was before their week 4 matchup when the remembered that they are supposed to be awesome ball kickers and the offense exploded for 10 runs. For many new teams it just takes one really good offensive game for things to start to click. Unfortunately, that is not likely to happen in this case as they take on I Need a Refill and Off Constantly in the next 2 weeks.
Record: 2-2
Games so far: Gator Done (1-0 win), Camel Toes (0-5 loss), Debauchery (0-6 loss), Looking to Score (10-6 win)

Thunderstruck* - B-
How can you not love a team with this name? So what if their only win of the season so far was against a winless team. They are out to have fun and isn't that why we all joined WAKA Kickball to begin with? They have a tough schedule left so there is really no pressure. Hopefully we can hear some AC/DC as this team takes the field.
Record: 1-3
Games so far: Camel Toes (3-5 loss), Looking to Score (6-0 win), Off Constantly (1-13 loss), Ballsagna (2-10 loss)

Your Balls My Foot - A+
For what its worth, Your Balls My Foot was the worst team from the Spring season who actually returned. They started out the season pretty poorly, losing to a brand new team, but have slowly improved since then. For them it seems like their winning formula is to have lots of people not show up. Their 2 wins so far this season occured when they had only 8 and 11 players show up. They like to live up to their motto, "Win or lose, we still booze". Why do they get an A+? Because its my team, duh!
Record: 2-2
Games so far: Ballistic Logistics (2-6 loss), Pick Me Up (3-7 loss), Ballsagna (2-1 win), Gator Done (8-0 win)

Power Rankings

1 Balls N Dolls - (3-1) Only loss so far this season is by forfeit. They are quickly proving that the spring season was an anomoly.

2 I Need a Refill - (3-1) Their defense is really tough as they have already posted 3 shutouts. 

3 Off Constantly - (3-1) Defensively solid and when the offense gets going they can steamroll you.

4 Pick Me Up - (3-1) Great record so far but they just haven't been tested yet.

5 Debauchery - (2-2) Their biggest problem this season will probably be inconsistently.

6 Camel Toes - (3-1) It remains to be seen if their hot start to the season was smoke and mirrors.

7 Your Balls My Foot - (2-2) Consider your team in trouble if you are scheduled against YBMF and they barely have enough people to play.

8 Team Awesome Ball Kickers - (2-2)

9 Red Balls and Lick Her - (1-3) Their 2 veterans are starting to show this bunch of rookies how to play.

10 Gator Done - (2-2) They have benefited from an easy schedule so far.

11 Ballsagna - (2-2) Two words. Hot girls.

12 Ballistic Logistic - (1-3) They got off to a good start but are riding a 3 game losing streak.

13 Thunderstruck - (1-3) Their 6-0 win against Looking to Score may be more of a reflection on LtS than Thunderstruck.

14 Looking to Score - (0-4) They are the only team that has not won a game yet. Their best chance may be in week 8

Who is the strongest team in the Bayshore League?

The WAKA Shame and the Hookup Waiver

The WAKA Shame, its not just a clever and popular team name. If you are new in your kickball career, you may not be aware of it yet but there is a very real thing called the WAKA Shame. If it hasn't happened to you yet, statistics show that it more than likely will happen to you sometime soon. WAKA Kickball is notorious for creating the perfect catalyst for romantic encounters and by romantic encounters we mean good old fashioned dirty hookups. This leads to the the WAKA Shame.

Similar to the Walk of Shame, the WAKA Shame is a common occurrence the morning after kickball and is easily identified by the fact that you are wearing your kickball t-shirt and gym shorts from the night before. The WAKA Shame is most often followed up by calling in sick to work.

This phenomenon has the potential to cause some uncomfortable situations, especially if it happens too early in the season. We here at the GMOT are fully in favor of a drama free environment so we had our crack legal team* work up a document that should help you if you ever find yourself in a situation that could lead to a WAKA Shame.

The Hookup Waiver

Upon signature of this document both individuals involved in a hookup hereby agree to the following stipulations:

1. Parties agree to not be bothered if the other party does not call or contact them in any way.
2. Any contact that is made shall be conducted over text messaging or in person at the bar during last call with the sole purpose of instituting another hookup.
3. Additional hookups shall not be expected, anticipated or looked forward to and should only happen in instances of spontaneity when neither party can find anyone better to hook up with.
4. Both parties agree to not be bothered if either party chooses to ignore the other, spend time with other parties or hook up with other parties.
5. Both parties agree to be discrete and act as if nothing ever happened while in the presence of other non-involved parties.
6. Details of the hookup shall not be discussed with teammates or anyone else you may ever see near a kickball field, kickball sponsor bar or anywhere else that kickballers may be found.

This waiver shall be considered legally binding and any violation of this waiver shall result in legal action in a court of law.
**This document is not legally binding in any US State, US Territory, Commonwealth Nation, Nation recognized by the UN or any other place on Earth. Use at your own risk.

Our crack legal team also suggests that any conversation that has the potential to lead up to a WAKA Shame should start off with, "Hey there. So, you want to sign a waiver with me?". Hopefully this document can help you get through any possible uncomfortable situations that may result from your WAKA Shame.

Captains, please be responsible and be sure to print out several copies and keep them with you at all times. It is important to have this document on hand for use by your team members when they most need it.

*We can not verify that our legal team is, in fact, a team of attorneys but they do wear suits. Ok, so the suits are old and ratty and smelly. In fact, our "crack legal team" is actually just some crack heads but they were hanging out near the courthouse so it is entirely possible that they were either at one time attorneys or at least have some inside knowledge of how our legal system works.

FL Bayshore League Party on Sep 30th

The Thursday, FL Bayshore League will be having its league party on Friday September 30th at Elmers in Ybor. This has been a great venue in the past and is guaranteed to be a great time. The beer starts pouring at 7pm and its free to registered FL Bayshore players and $10 for guests. Details on the FL Breaker league party should be coming soon.

Don't forget to RSVP for the FL Bayshore Party.

Erik's Zeus Beard

For those of you who have played with us a while you have noticed that our WAKA Customer Service Rep has been sporting a new beard that has grown rather impressive in the last couple of months. What you may not have realized is that every year Erik participates in a program with St Baldrick's. He shows his support for children with cancer by having his head shaved and raising money at the same time to help fund childhood cancer research.

He decided that he was just too young and his beard is too dark to secure a job as Santa Clause at the mall this winter so he has decided to make the beard part of the fun.

You can view his page on the St Baldrick's Foundation website to view a message from him and donate to the cause.

WAKA Bucs Night!

Hey there Kickball fans. Want to have a fun time with your fellow kickball players in a new setting? How about an NFL game? WAKA has special rates for the Bucs vs Saints Game on October 16th. Whether you are going to root for the Bucs, the Saints or your liver vs the massive amounts of beer you will most likely consume while tailgating before the game, this will be a great time. First, check out the Facebook event page then go to the order form to figure out what seats you want. If you have any questions you can contact Jake Carlson. Hint, his number is on the form.

Who will you support?

FL Breaker Week 1 Recap

Well Well Well, The blog took a bit of a rest over the summer but the FL Breaker League is back at it for the Fall. To give you a little recap of what you might have missed over the summer, 99 Problems, Asstastic Balls, Barbara Ballters and Booze on first joined some of the Thursday Bayshore teams and a couple of newbies to play in the FL Big Guava League. That Wednesday night season was definitely one of the most competitive seasons Tampa has ever seen. There were 4 teams that ended the season with only 1 loss and in the end 99 Problems represented the Breaker league well by posting 4 wins in the playoffs and taking home the title.

So we enter this season with 3 teams who have championship hardware Seminoles (last season's champions), 99 Problems (Summer league champions) and Cleats and Cleavage (last Fall's champions though they were called Balls N Dolls at the time). So now that we have that useless information out of the way, lets talk about this season and look at week 1's matchups.

We started out our season with We've Got The Runs taking on Booze on First. Don't confuse this We've Got the Runs team with the old group of nurses that we used to have. This is a brand new team to the FL Breaker league and they are hoping that they have a lot more luck with the name than the old team who would have been more appropriately named We've got the Run or even We Ain't Got No Runs. Booze on first is a veteran team that has a tendency to be a bit schizophrenic. In the past they struggled with the offense but Defense was their specialty. This season's installment is a big question mark though as there were a few defections to a new team this season, but more on that later. Booze on First took this one 2-1.

Our second game of the night was between the Bonafide Guttersnipes and Asstastic Balls. The Guttersnipes are hoping to be a new superteam. The core of the team came from Booze on First but they drew in players from other sources too, including Cleats and Cleavage. The jury is still out about how good they will be but they are rumored to claim that they will walk away with the championship this season. In case you were wondering, according to Dictionary.com a guttersnipe is "1. A person belonging to or characteristic of the lowest social group in a city or 2. a street urchin". According to Urban Dictionary a guttersnipe is "pickled human feces, served in bars". Lets hope that they go with street urchin. Asstastic is a bit of an enigma. There are days when they show up looking like the best team in the league and other days they show up looking like they just learned how to walk. The one thing they are consistent on is that they are a fun team to play. Bonafied Guttersnipes won in a close one 2-0.

Our late games started out with what was probably the most unfair matchup of the night with 99 Problems gearing up against Where My Pitches At. 99 Problems just came off of their Summer championship and are hoping to repeat this fall. They are usually a fun group to play but expect them to be competitive. They almost always have some sort of baked treats to share with their opponent and travel in bright orange packs. They can most easily be found in their natural environment, at the flip cup table at MacDinton's while rocking out to Party Rock Anthem. Where My Pitches is a brand new team. Their 2 most veteran players are from the old Masterbatters team so they aren't likely to be at the top of the table at the end of the season but judging by their showing at the bar, they should have a fun time this season anyways. Its a good thing they are a fun bunch because they start their kickball careers in the most brutal week possible with week 1 against 99 Problems, week 2 against the Seminoles and week 3 against Barbara Ballters. Lets hope they are still around for week 4 against Asstastic. 99 Problems won this one 11-0.

On field 2 Free Ballers and Barbara Ballters faced off against each other. So Free Ballers is mostly the old Masterbatters. The old Masterbatters were a lovable bunch. They were usually pretty fun to play and not only because they were easy to beat. They were always good sports about the ribbing they took on the field and on this blog but this season they have a new name and new leadership so they hope to change their fortunes. Meanwhile, Barbara Ballters was a big surprise last season. They came in as a brand new team and showed that you don't need to be a group of veterans to be a good team. They were a big spoiler at the end of the Spring season for 99 Problems. This game took way too long thanks to some extremely time consuming pitching. Not only did the Free Ballers pitcher take too much time between pitches but he was also pitching illegally. According to rule 8.02b and rule 1.01d in the WAKA Rulebook, the pitcher must start the act of pitching from within 12 feet of the pitcher's strip. It wasn't called because it wasn't caught by the refs early in the game but now you all know and knowing is half the battle. Yo Joe! Barbara Ballters got of to a good start to the season and won 6-2.

Our last game of the night was between Seminoles and Cleats and Cleavage. The Seminoles are one of the most dominant teams this league has ever seen and definitely the most dominant active team. When you play the Seminoles, don't expect to have much fun and don't expect to win. In fact, expect to get your butts whooped. Cleats and Cleavage is one of the of the more chill teams in the whole league. Its hard to tell how they will be on the field this season after losing some of their better players to the Guttersnipes but its hard to imagine them ever not being fun. The Seminoles certainly had fun with them this week, beating them 12-0.

What is your favorite thing about kickball season starting up again?