Breaker Week 2 Recap

Week 2 is now in the books for the Breaker league and we are starting to see who has it and who doesn't. I could sit here all day and bore you with an incredibly mind blowing analysis and introduction to this weeks games but, frankly, I just don't feel like it. So lets talk about what actually happened.

Even Seminole Babies
take kickball seriously

Our first game of the night had the Seminoles take the field against Where My Pitches At. I said it before and I will say it again Where My Pitches At's start to their kickball career is nothing less than unfair. This team should be burning Erik in effigee for scheduling their first 3 games against 99 Problems, Seminoles and Barbara Ballters. Last week they lost 11-0, this week 14-0 and next week they don't look to do much better. At the bar last night a couple of players said that it was a ton of fun, which is awesome, but they also told me that their defense looks good. I sadly had to remind them that giving up 25 runs in just 2 games probably isn't the sign of a good defense. The Seminoles were taking great pride in the fact that they beat this team by more than 99 Problems did last week. Here is the problem with that, last week 99 Problems was the home team so they only kicked 5 times since they didn't need their last time around at the plate. The Seminoles specifically wanted to be the away team so that they could pile it on in the last inning because that's just what they do. They scored 3 runs in the last inning of this game so all things being equal, both 99 and Seminoles scored 11 runs in 5 innings. What does this matter? It doesn't at all because runs for do not count in any tie breaker for the standings. Also there is a cap to run differential in any game so even though this one ended 14-0, it will be recorded as 12-0.

Our second game of the night was a bit of a doozie as Free Ballers and Bonafide Guttersnipes matched up. Judging by all of the preseason hype, this should have been an easy one to call but it was much closer than they drew it up on paper. Free Ballers were able to get the first run on the board and their defense was holding strong thanks to some timely pop ups by the Guttersnipes. That was until the top of the 6th inning where I am told there was a rousing team speech that went something like this, “Are you kidding me? We are the fucking Guttersnipes. We've talked way too much shit to lose to this team. We've written checks our bodies can't cash. We need to do something now, its go time”, and go they did by throwing up a 6 spot in the top half of the last frame. Guttersnipes won 6-1.

Actual photo of Beast ready
to make a catch

Our late games started off with Asstastic Balls and Cleats & Cleavage. The first run of the game may have been the most exciting as Asstastic's Tracy slid into third to avoid a throw. The throw went wide and she was able to score on the overthrown ball. Beast was all over the field in this one, making play after play, pushing teammates out of the way to make defensive plays while grunting, “No beast ball, me catch”. It may seem unnecessarry but someone had to do something as Cheddi is also on the team who misplayed a deep fly to centerfield. I interviewed Cheddi at the bar and he had this to say about the game, “I really tried my best man, I really gave it everything I had but despite my best efforts, I couldn't make our team lose, our team was just too good today and with Beast out there, losing was a losing battle”. Asstastic Balls won 4-2.

There must have been something about field 2 last night because the game between Barbara Ballters and We've Got The Runs was just as entertaining as the early game on the same field. This game was a gem with the teams tied at 2 going into the 6th inning. That's when the real action stared. With 2 outs in the top half of the last inning We've Got the Runs was threatening and got a girl to 3rd on a close play. On the play, however, JR from Barbara Ballters channeled his inner possum and fell to the ground playing dead. The girl backed up off of the base to give him room and JR got up and tagged her out. It was a dick move but it was definitely effective. After the game he had this to say about it, "People may call me a dick but all I do is win no matter what bitches." In the bottom half of the inning Barbara Ballters was able to get bases loaded before sending a blast to the outfield that probably would have scored 3 but they only needed 1 to walk off. Barbara Ballters won 3-2.


Our final matchup of the night was 99 Problems vs Booze on First. This was a highly anticipated matchup but not because of the kickball game. Cory from Booze and Justin from 99 are the two best chuggers in the league by far and anytime they face off its epic. This chug was no different as both chuggers downed their beer in a single swallow but Cory turned his cup over just slightly faster. In the game itself 99 was able to take a shut out into the 6th inning before Booze on First was able to mount a little bit of a rally. The shutout was broken up when 99 Problems outfielders Matt and Tricia decided that sharing was caring and connected in a loving embrace in the outfield, kickball between them, allowing the Booze on First runner to score. Despite an incredible amount of talk from a guy with a sweaty elbow problem, Booze on First just didn't have enough to overcome their deficit. 99 Problems won 5-1.