As many of you have come to realize, Dale from the Seminoles, has assumed the role of Division Villain. Why not? Every division has to have one and Dale is certainly competitive. For the most part, Dale takes it all in stride and finds it funny but those who know him best feel that he is sometimes unfairly demonized. So lets take a moment to get to know the real Dale. The Dale behind the kickball.Dale is actually quite nice, in fact, what most people don't realize is that his favorite thing to do in his free time is to rescue stray puppies, train them and give them as gifts to poor orphan children with terminal illnesses. When he's not practicing his pitching skills, he can often be seen hanging out at busy intersections assisting old ladies in walkers cross the street.
At a young age, Dales ability to prolong a game of kickball were quite obvious. In only his first kickball game ever in the first grade he took so much time in between pitches that his game only got into the 2nd inning before recess was over.
"It was clear that Dale had a special gift to waste time and prolong anything he did. It's obvious that his calling was not to become a doctor and cure cancer. His research would have taken too long, but that's alright because he found other ways to help humanity. Dale is a great guy" stated former 2nd grade teammate, Heidi Clare.
Dale can often be seen teaching illiterate children to read, rescuing trapped kittens from trees, and collecting food supplies to ship to starving people in third world countries. Rumor has it that he also likes long walks on the beach, candle lit dinners and likes to cry while reading romance novels. You can't judge a book by it's cover so before you automatically assume Dale is a bad guy, you might want to delve a little deeper. You might be surprised. Then again, you might not, there is that Pyongyang incident from last season.
3 comments:
Tyrus, I speak fluent "Sarcasm" and I feel I must congratulate you on your well-written and insightful article about Dale. I have witnessed the spectacle of awesomeness that is his pitching and was left speechless. Well, ALMOST speechless. I WAS able to muster a steady stream of jeers, insults and mockingly supportive exclamations while he was pitching his "best stuff" to the ladies on our team.
If anyone in our league is going to get picked up by one of the professional kickball teams, it's Dale. I mean, he's got the eye of the tiger for sure. He's also got the cleats and UnderArmor tight shirts of a wannabe football player, as well as the knee-high socks of a soccer player. If he will only wear a white, elastic sweatband on his head, I will gladly bring my camera and capture the moment for eternity. Awe. Some.
I fully concur with North Korea's "Glorious Leader" in his decision to snub Dale's team for the title of Favorite Team of the Supreme Leader. Personally though, I think Kim Jong Il was just feeling threatened by Dale, since Dale is such a "Great Leader" to his Seminole teammates. Dale being in charge of the Seminoles is the only explanation I can fathom for why he would continue pitching like a jackass to the ladies when many of his teammates were telling him to throttle back and salvage some of their team's dignity. But, as we soon learned, subordinates do not dictate the actions of their Great Leader, so the Spectacle in Seminole Buffoonery continues unabated. Just glorious to watch, isn't it? Good times!
How a team can forfeit that much of their dignity & class to win a social, beer-drinking kickball league is beyond me. Is a nickname contest for Dale something we could host at MacDinton's? If so, my vote is for "Wedge" and I'll be happy to tell you over a beer some time why that is.
Keep up the insightful work, Tyrus!
HAHA that's great!
Couldn't have said it better myself. Keep up the solid pitching. We are all impressed.
Post a Comment