Drunk Again And Looking To Score Scores Big

Oslo, Norway - FL Breaker Division team Drunk Again And Looking To Score may not be fairing well on the kickball fields this season but they certainly have been doing quite well off of it as today it was announced that the team will be receiving the Nobel Peace Prize for it's exhaustive charitable work in helping old ladies cross streets, rescuing cats from trees, feeding the homeless and saving babies from burning buildings.

The Nobel Peace Prize is the second such award for the team who last week was presented the Medal of Freedom by President George W. Bush. "I just want to thank Drunk Again And Looking To Score for being more awesomer than any other kickball team out there. They make me feel all awesome-like. It's times like these that I like being a decider, and today I decided to give the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Drunk Again And Looking To Score. God Bless America and God Bless Drunk Again And Looking To Score."

Team Captain, James, stated, "I just love the way this team acts. When we are at the flip cup table we use the opportunity together to come up with great ideas of how we can change the world but our inspiration comes from reading the division blog. We read all of those stories and game recaps on there and we just can't help ourselves in wanting to make the world a better place. We haven't performed well on the kickball fields but mostly because we have been so busy with our charitable work. Next week will be tough as I am sure that many of our players will be jet lagged from our upcoming trip to Pyongyang, North Korea to help care for orphans with massive head trauma."

Here is what some people are saying about Drunk Again And Looking to Score:

"Those guys are so hilarious, I just love being around them." - Laura Lynne Hardy

"It's amazing how they can find the time for their charitable work and still have fun." - Len Dehand

"I am really glad they have promised to come help me after that storm destroyed my house." - Rufus Lee King

"Oh, I just love them I love them I love them. They are such rockstars!" - Uma Ghosh

"Enough with Obama, Clinton, or McCain for President. I want to vote for Drunk Again And Looking To Score for President" - Vic Torre

Doc Strikes Out

Last week was a slow week in the blog entry department as I was pretty busy. I was planning on doing 2 game recaps last week but lost the piece of paper that I wrote down the details of the second game.

Luckily, Doc, from C U Next Tuesday reminded me of one of the highlights.

Late in the game, with the score tied, Doc was up at the plate and was C U Next Tuesday's best chance at taking the lead before going into extra innings. Doc was carefully selecting his pitches and allowed 2 strikes to cross the plate. On the last pitch of his atbat he geared up on a ball pitched right down the middle and missed the ball completely for strike 3.

It was the first time that anyone had ever struck out swinging in either division in Tampa, and quite possibly the world. I am sure it was a proud moment for Doc and I thank him for reminding me as I am sure that he wants to share his accomplishment with the rest of the division. Be sure to congratulate Doc the next time you are on the kickball field.

Don't Touch My Balls Gets Support From Dictator

Pyongyang, North Korea - North Korean Dictator, Kim Jong Il declared to the world today that Don't Touch My Balls are his favorite kickball team in the world. The dictator is known to be a large fan of the NBA but this is the first time he has been identified as a fan of WAKA's FL Breaker division.

"Don't Touch My Balls is the favorite team of our peerless legendary leader, Kim Jong Il," stated Kim Ok, the dictator's mistress and personal secretary. "On Tuesday nights, after our great peerless leader gets done watching his favorite Elizabeth Taylor movies, he likes to turn on ESPN 8 'The Ocho' to watch Don't Touch My Balls brutally punish their opponents."

"It really should come as no surprise." said Dr. Iman S. Hole, President of the Institute for Spreading Illwill. "Really they exemplify everything that Kim Jong Il loves. The dictator spends about $700,000 a year on Hennessy Cognac when his people only make an average of $900 per year so you might think that they got the nod for being able to drink a lot but that didn't really narrow things down in kickball. What appealed to Kim Jong Il was the the anti-social behavior of Don't Touch My Balls."

Reports say that it was a tough decision as he was quite upset when he learned the team doesn't read the division blog. Kim Jong Il considers himself to be an internet expert and is reported to read the blog daily. What may have helped is Don't Touch My Balls love of bunting as kicking away of any kind in North Korea is a crime punishable by death due to the fact that the leader can't kick the ball more than 3 feet but still wants to be known as the greatest kickballer in all of North Korea.

News of the declaration outraged Seminole's Captain, Dale, "Dude, that's Bullshit! The Seminoles can be just as anti-social as Don't Touch My Balls! Look at MacDinton's after the games. There are usually only like 2 of us there. Four at most. Besides, we bunt all the time too. In fact we aren't even capable of kicking away. I'm a winner damn it! A winner!" The news comes as quite a blow to Dale as he had been lobbying hard for the endorsement. There are reports that the Seminoles have been practicing their defense in Pyongyang by throwing kickballs as hard as they can at the heads of orphans. While this may have impressed the dictator somewhat, it wasn't enough to pull the endorsement their way.

Turtleheads Vs Dale

Tuesday night at MacDinton's Seminole Captain, Dale, took on 2 Team Turtlehead players for what he hoped was extended glory after the Seminoles first win of the season earlier in the day against C U Next Tuesday. After Posting a 0-4 start to the season the Seminoles pulled out all the stops in their game to win 1-0. There was hope that the celebration would continue to MacDinton's but sadly only a handful of Seminoles showed up. Dale would not be dissuaded as he claimed that it was actually the best showing at the bar that the Seminoles have had all season.

Dale admited that it had been a long time since he was a part of anything that even resembled a win so he wanted to keep it going in any way he could, patrolling the bar like a vulture looking for a carcass to feast on.

He finally approached Elizabeth from Team Turtlehead and challenged her to a one-on-one flip cup game. The poor girl was no match for the experienced flip cupper who came away from the table shouting, "I'm a winner! I'm a winner!" as if prescribed by a therapist to help deal with issues of not being properly loved as a child.

Soon after, Dale challenged Beau to an arm wrestling match. After about a half hour of deliberation on what the actual rules of the arm wrestling match would be they finally matched up. The first match started as a stale mate until Dale finally jumped from the table and excitedly shouted that Beau's elbow had moved and that he was therefore disqualified. No one in attendence seemed to notice any such thing but Dale was unphased as he continued to celebrate his pseudo victory. They faced off two more times and Beau won both contests.

Though Dale was not victorious in his last 2 arm wrestling contests, those were both after midnight and therefore happened on Wednesday. Mark on your calendar the date of Tuesday, March 18th 2008, as for the first time in a long time Dale was a winner. Congratulations Dale, I am sure your therapist would be proud!

Who Read The Blog Poll

Voting has ended in the Who Reads This Blog Poll. Drunk Again And Looking To Score hasn't been doing much on the kickball fields this season but maybe that's because they spend so much time on the blog. They had the most votes so expect to see a nice write up about them soon about how they cured some awful disease or otherwise saved humanity in some way shape or form.

Meanwhile Don't Touch My Balls only had 2 people vote and the Seminoles only had 3. Pretty dissapointing and I am sure you will all be shocked by the startling expose on how each of those teams are plotting to spread evil throughout the world.

Of course that will all happen after I have developed some totally fucked up ideas of completely made up shit. This sort of brilliance doesn't come instantly. I have to think about it for a while so keep checking back.

Week 5 Results

Seminoles 1 C U Next Tuesday 0
Relocators 0 Team Turtlehead 0
Where My Pitches At 1 McLovin 0
Don't Touch My Balls 5 Drunk Again And STILL Looking To Score 0

Division Party Announced for April 11th

This season's division party will be held on Friday, April 11th at Gaspar's Grotto on 7th ave in Ybor.

The event will be free for registered players and $5 for guests (to be donated to charity). Writbands will get you free beer and a table of food will be provided to us.

More details will be announced as they become available.

Game of the Week: McLovins vs Seminoles

Tampa, FL - McLovin topped the Seminoles by a score of 3-1 as they are now the 4th team to defeat the Seminoles in as many weeks. The Seminoles have been struggling all season long but were able to get a confidence boost in the top of the first inning by taking an early 1-0 lead. McLovin was able to quickly counter in the bottom of the inning when Eric was able to kick a triple and later score to tie the game.

Both teams struggled to get any offense going in the second inning and Dale was throwing his crazy patented pitch but McLovin was able to steady the ship in the bottom of the 3rd to take the lead 2-1. They scored an insurance run in the bottom of the forth off of a home run by Aaron. In the top of the 5th inning McLovin was able to maintain their good defensive form and were able to easily retire the Seminoles.

The Seminoles are now 0-4 on the season and are tied for last place with Drunk Again And Looking To Score, setting the stage for a possible week 8 matchup of the defeateds.

Week 4 Results

McLovins 3 Seminoles 1
Team Turtlehead 5 Drunk Again And Still Looking To Score 0
Don't Touch My Balls 5 Where My Pitches At 1
C U Next Tuesday 2 Relocators 0

Who Is Reading The Blog?

So I am curious to see who is actually reading the blog since there isn't a whole lot of commenting going on (unlike the thursday night blog at www.bayshorekb.com where comments are made constantly).

I have a feeling that there are an awful lot of Relocators who read the blog judging by some of the polling results so far so I posted a new poll. This is an easy one. It simply asks what team you play for. Just go ahead and look to the right and click on your team. I want to see what team can get the most players to view the blog. (and see which ones are actually smart enough enough to figure out how to vote).

The team that has the most players visit the blog as indicated by the poll will get an awesome write up about how cool they are. The team with the least amount of votes will get a write up about how lame they are and how they are despised by everyone in the division.

Check out the polls every time you visit since I will likely be adding new ones each week. Depending on how creative and or busy I am during the week I may post things throughout the week so check back to the blog often to see whats going on.

This blog belongs to you guys so if you would like to post you just need to let me know so I can give you posting priviledges. Anyone can comment on any existing post and I hope you all will.

If your team has the most votes maybe you will get a write up about how your team helps old ladies cross the street. If your team has the least amount of votes perhaps there will be an expose on how your team steals candy from small children. Vote now!

McLovin Gets Swerve On

Tampa, FL, Team McLovin was getting busy last night as they showed up in dominant fashion and clearly had their best week so far this season.

The night started out with their usual dominance in the chug off which clearly gave them the momentum they needed in the game. McLovin displayed agressive base running and was able to score many times in their 5-1 victory over C U Next Tuesday.

After leaving the fields and reconvening at MacDinton's McLovin continued their success at the flip cup table and were able to defeat every team that had a presense there. McLovin won in mostly dominating fashion though there was some controversy with their opponents attempting to cheat by not using regulation flip cups.

After the amazing night for the team, Captain Kathryn had this to say, "I just want to go to the rooftops and scream, 'I love my team, McLovins!'"

Week 3 Game of the Week: Team Turtlehead vs Where My Pitches At

Tampa, FL - Team Turtlehead had their coming out party last night as they defeated Where My Pitches At 2-1. It was the first official game for Team Turtlehead after both of their first two games resulted in forfeits, one in their favor, one against. It was a major boost to the team as they knocked off the previously undefeated Where My Pitches At.

Prior to the game both team's captains agreed that the game would have no "Seminoles". The captains defined "Seminoles" as man bunts.

Where My Pitches At started things off well by winning the chug off and taking the lead in the bottom of the 1st off of a sacrafice fly. Team Turtlehead battled back to tie the game up at 1 in the second inning as Ms. Hanky knocked in Innapropriate Shit.

The game became a defensive battle. Where My Pitches At 3rd baseman, Josh, played stellar defense and was knicknamed the Great Wall of China by Team Turtlehead. They also complained to the umpires and demanded a steroids test on the Where My Pitches At star after the game.

In the top of the 5th inning the Turtleheads were able to take the lead when Crazy Shit knocked in Luke Dukie. In the bottom of the inning it was all up to the Turtlehead defense to shut down their opponents. With one out in the inning Josh got to the plate and he looked to be Where My Pitches At's best chance to come back in the game. Unfortunately, in Josh's workouts with his trainer, Brian McNamee, this week he worked entirely on defense and not enough on kicking as he fouled out. Team Turtlehead was able to retire the last kicker to hold on to the victory.

Oh, somwhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy for Where My Pitches At - Mighty Josh has fouled out.

Team Turtlehead Captain, Beaux, had this to say after the game, "I just want to thank our Shithead Fans for sticking with us. I know it was hard for them since we hadn't played an official game yet this season but this week we showed the kickball world that we are The Shit! This one is for our Shithead Fans!"

The loss by Where My Pitches At was their first this season and it leaves Don't Touch My Balls as the only undefeated team left in the division. Those two will face off against each other next week. Meanwhile Team Turtlehead will square off against Drunk Again And Looking To Score in a game that is sure to be a lot of fun.

Seminoles Winless, Dale Put On Suicide Watch, Biard Joins Witness Protection

Tampa, FL - Last night, Don't Touch My Balls defeated the Seminoles in a close 2-0 contest. It was the latest set back for the Seminoles who are now winless thus far in the season after losing their first 3 games.

Things are looking bad for the Seminoles. They lost in the 5th inning of game 1 to the rookie Relocators in a game that has become known as forfeitgate. They followed that up in week 2 with a forfeit to Team Turtlehead. It is certainly tough to take for the team that won the division tournament just 2 seasons ago (though that win was a result of a Rock/Paper/Scissors contest).

In fact things are so bad that Seminole Captain Dale has been put on a suicide watch for his own safety after he and almost his entire team were suspiciously absent from MacDinton's last night. Things have gotten tough for the team and Dale has pledged to find new players if things don't start turning around soon. The team has even hired a new trainer, Anna Sassin, to take care of any players who are underperforming.

News of the hiring has put the team on edge as many Seminole players are now fearful over their own personal safety. It worried Co-Captain Jon Biard so much that he elected to join the Witness Protection program. "Anna Sassin is crazy man. The Ballers hired her last season to whip their team into shape. They lost the championship game and now look at them... they are gone man, they are all gone! I've got to join Witness Protection for my own safety. I am just afraid that Chief Dale will go on a killing spree if we lose any more games."

Next week the Seminoles will hope to end their misfortunes by playing the McLovins. It won't be an easy task as last night the McLovins were dominant in everything from chug off to the final game of flip cup at MacDinton's last night.

Week 3 Results

Relocators 2 Drunk Again And Looking To Score 0
Don't Touch My Balls 2 Seminoles 0
McLovins 5 C U Next Tuesday 1
Team Turtlehead 2 Where My Pitches At 1

Player Spotlight for the Week - Brad, C U Next Tuesday

This player spotlight is brought to you by Jason, captain of C U Next Tuesday who was kind enough to nominate his own player. C U Next Tuesday is clearly thrilled with their rare victory this past week and like all teams that win the big game they want to profile their star players for lucrative returns on merchandising of player jerseys and maybe even action figures.

Brad of C U Next Tuesday is a new player in the division and a Tampa native (yes they exist). He is a graduate of USF class of '01.

Brad's many accomplishments include:

He claims that his number (23) is retired at Lopez Elementary for greatest kickball player ever in the 5-9 year old brackets.

Was an All State Kickballer in the 3rd and 4th grade.

All American at USF in wiffleball and Beer Pong.

Even with all of these accomplishments he still had stiff competition with making the team. He looks to be a good addition to the division and hopefully can raise the fortunes of one of our most fun teams, C U Next Tuesday.

If anyone has a picture of Brad, please send it my way so I can post it up here on the blog. Does he have one of those fancy pink camouflage kilts that has become a signature of C U Next Tuesday?

PAL To Increase Security For Seminoles vs Don't Touch My Balls Game

Tampa, FL - Startling developments today as PAL announced that they will be boosting up security for the much anticipated Seminoles vs Don't Touch My Balls game in week 3. Games between these 2 teams in the past have certainly been intense and the upcoming game looks to be no different as the Seminoles are still searching for their first win of the season.

Last season the teams squared off twice in the regular season with Don't Touch My Balls winning both contests. There were reports of massive looting and rioting after the losses by Seminoles players, unfortunately resulting in damage to many parked cars.

"We want to be sure that nothing like that will happen again", said PAL spokesperson, Justin Case. "Due to the competitive nature of both teams we have decided to increase security and bring in our riot and SWAT police just to make sure nothing gets out of hand."

"In order to maintain the level of security we are looking for, I can't tell you exactly what the plans are for the game," offered SWAT team leader and event coordinator Sgt Jack Tupp. "but we are looking to have a number of SWAT teams with full riot protection, some plain clothed officers to mix in with the crowd and of course we will be employing several snipers set up in various locations around the field. You may not be able to see them but they are there to take out anyone who gets out of control." When asked if the snipers would be using tranquilizers or live amunition Sgt Tupp simply replied, "Next question."

Rumors that one sniper would have his scope targeted in on Seminole Captain, Dale for the whole game could not be confirmed.

Don't Touch My Balls captain, Alex, plans on having practice sessions two times a day leading up to the game. Meanwhile the Seminoles are concentrating on looking for weaknesses in their opponent by studying game film. Seminole captain Dale and co-captains, The Brothers Biard, are also working on their motivational speach to give to their team. It is unclear if Dale will show up in full headdress and weilding a ceremonial spear.

In addition to the increased security, representatives from the Guinness Book of World Records are expected to be on hand as the record for most Man Bunts in one game is expected to be broken. Also expected to be on the field is Joy Kyll, a representative from the Munters Association of America to present an award to the team that munts the most during the game.

The game starts at 7pm on field B. Be sure to get there early to allow yourself time to get through the security check points and pat downs at the gates.

Game Recaps

If you would like to post a game recap for your team's games post a comment to this blog entry and I will send you an email giving you posting priviledges.

Week 2 Game of the Week: C U Next Tuesday Vs Drunk Again and Looking To Score

Tampa, FL - The anticipation and buildup for the week 2 matchup between C U Next Tuesday and Drunk Again and Looking to Score was not exactly palatable as C U Next Tuesday has had a history in the division as storied as the Tampa Bay Rays and Drunk Again and Looking to Score is an unproven expansion team. In fact ESPN 8 "The Ocho" decided to forgo it's broadcast of the game in favor of a Guatemalan Quetzal Contest. There were many empty seats in PAL stadium but those who did make it through the turnstiles and into their seats saw an amazing game.

Whether this was a defensive battle or a failure to launch on offense can be debated. Honestly I wasn't there to witness it myself but knowing C U Next Tuesday, it wasn't likely to have been a defensive gem. Nevertheless the score was held to 0-0 through 4 and a half innings.

In the bottom of the 5th inning, C U Next Tuesday were able to get runners on first and second. With one out in the inning the ball was kicked to the 3rd baseman. Instead of taking the force out at third he threw the ball at the baserunner coming from 2nd. What the 3rd basemen didn't realize was that the baserunner was someone by the name of DeadFishTaco. DeadFishTaco once studied at the Patches O'Houlihan Dodgeball Dojo and was able to evade the throw and continued on to home to score the walk off run. Final score 1-0 in favor of C U Next Tuesday.

In other news around the division, despite their 1-1 record, after 2 weeks Team Turtlehead has yet to play an actual game. They lost by forfeit in week one to McLovins and won 2-1 in a fun game and then won by forfeit over the Seminoles and lost 4-2 in a fun game.

Week 2 Results

Where My Pitches At 13 Relocators 6
C U Next Tuesday 1 Drunk Again And Looking To Score 0
Don't Touch My Balls 6 McLovins 1
Team Turtlehead 2 Seminoles 4**

** Team Turtlehead won by forfeit but teams played for fun to a 4-2 score in favor of the Seminoles